i just got a new blog spot. :)
follow me on it if you want.
and i am on the verge of a new way of life for me.
although its going to be a hard journey, but i think its totally worth it. i have realized that being a slut, hoe, whore, etc, is not the life i want to live.
i've pretty much been living that way for the past year and its not that helpful in the long run.
all i can say to anyone is that, you have to live life the way you want, but in a way that is good for yourself physically and emotionally.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Jinx
So i just read my last blog, and i realized i just pretty much jinxed everything. my life is horrible again.
i just got my license, and i've probably driven less than when i had my fucking permit.
i'm so done with my mother.
she pisses me off SO GOD DAMN MUCH.
i really dislike her. and i wish i was adopted by someone that lives in seattle where i belong.
i dont belong here and its becoming very clear that i dont.
im just so done.
i just got my license, and i've probably driven less than when i had my fucking permit.
i'm so done with my mother.
she pisses me off SO GOD DAMN MUCH.
i really dislike her. and i wish i was adopted by someone that lives in seattle where i belong.
i dont belong here and its becoming very clear that i dont.
im just so done.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Getting on the right track
So last weekend was one of the craziest nights i've had so far.
and of course the guy i liked was there and hes the one that invited me. (:
but when he had like five or six drinks, he started getting all over this freshman girl and that pissed me off but whatever its not like we're going out or anything..but i dont think they kissed or anything...idk whatever.
and then i came home so that was good. :)
im currently reading a book called, Too Nice For Your Own Good, so hopefully that'll help me get over my "too nice.ness" ughh i hate being too nice. i want to speak up so badly but for some reason i just cant. :/
Unless its one of my best friends, which are seeming to run out of these days. :/
But i finally feel happy for once in the past four months.
and thats a good sign, it means i'm getting somewhere. :)
and of course the guy i liked was there and hes the one that invited me. (:
but when he had like five or six drinks, he started getting all over this freshman girl and that pissed me off but whatever its not like we're going out or anything..but i dont think they kissed or anything...idk whatever.
and then i came home so that was good. :)
im currently reading a book called, Too Nice For Your Own Good, so hopefully that'll help me get over my "too nice.ness" ughh i hate being too nice. i want to speak up so badly but for some reason i just cant. :/
Unless its one of my best friends, which are seeming to run out of these days. :/
But i finally feel happy for once in the past four months.
and thats a good sign, it means i'm getting somewhere. :)
Friday, April 17, 2009
maybe i'll be happy again.
I'm so done with boys. and I'm so done with friends. and I'm so done with being fat.
and yes i AM fat. my BMI is, almost overweight, er whatever my wiifit says. and i'm just having a pretty horrible day. fuck my life.
i went to see 17 again with a couple of friends, and yes that was pretty much the highlight of my life. i loved it. it made me teary eyed because i was thinking of something that happened today that wasnt too great...ruined my whole fucking day.
maybe one day i'll be happy again.
and yes i AM fat. my BMI is, almost overweight, er whatever my wiifit says. and i'm just having a pretty horrible day. fuck my life.
i went to see 17 again with a couple of friends, and yes that was pretty much the highlight of my life. i loved it. it made me teary eyed because i was thinking of something that happened today that wasnt too great...ruined my whole fucking day.
maybe one day i'll be happy again.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
It's just how it goes
I'm reading a book called, My life as a rhombus, and in summary, its about a girl that has gone through an abortion and a bad breakup, who ends up tutoring a super popular girl who is six weeks pregnant and she goes along on the journey of her pregnancy.
when i read it, i think about what could've happened to myself. it was only four months about that i had sex for the first time with my first "serious" boyfriend, and i was scared thinking, "what if i get pregnant?" and thank God that i am not. i'm not ready for a child and no teenager is. i'm not supporting abortion or having a child as a teenager, but you should take precautions to prevent such situations.
i did talk to him about it, and he cared about it, and i thought we'd be together forever, if we could talk about such deep things at only less than a month since we started going out. it was like fate had brought us together. but a month later, he broke up with me and i was devastated. i gave up my virginity to this guy, something i can NEVER get back, i ruined my reputation even more with this, i even transfered schools thinking it'd be better to be with him almost every day, i hardly even hang out with my friends anymore, and my life is such a mess and piece of shit.
That boy i talked about in my last blog, Brandon...there i said his name...couldnt believe it. i'm just so done with everything.
so if your reading this, please dont have sex unless you're ready for the consequences, or at least have been going out for three months.
when i read it, i think about what could've happened to myself. it was only four months about that i had sex for the first time with my first "serious" boyfriend, and i was scared thinking, "what if i get pregnant?" and thank God that i am not. i'm not ready for a child and no teenager is. i'm not supporting abortion or having a child as a teenager, but you should take precautions to prevent such situations.
i did talk to him about it, and he cared about it, and i thought we'd be together forever, if we could talk about such deep things at only less than a month since we started going out. it was like fate had brought us together. but a month later, he broke up with me and i was devastated. i gave up my virginity to this guy, something i can NEVER get back, i ruined my reputation even more with this, i even transfered schools thinking it'd be better to be with him almost every day, i hardly even hang out with my friends anymore, and my life is such a mess and piece of shit.
That boy i talked about in my last blog, Brandon...there i said his name...couldnt believe it. i'm just so done with everything.
so if your reading this, please dont have sex unless you're ready for the consequences, or at least have been going out for three months.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Just letting out my thoughts about that boy,
So i'm sitting here listening to Love Story By Taylor Swift, and of course, there's this boy racing through my mind while i'm hearing her say, "You be the prince, and I'll be the princess, its a love story baby just say yes." But its not just any boy, its A boy who i've liked, some would say love, for over three years now. We started liking each other in middle school, and my feelings for him have grown ever since and even now, they're not stopping. So i'm going to tell you about how it all started.
Nothing happened in middle school, his best friend told me he chickened out on asking me out. Which now thinking made me really sad. i really liked this kid. We talked almost every night beginning of freshman year. (We go to different schools now.) and then in December of my freshman year, currently a sophomore, he was with the same best friend and "they" called me and he had his friend tell me that "he never liked me as more than a friend." His exact words.
I cried all damn night. I thought about him every second of the day. I never thought i'd get over him...then four or five months went by with no contact and i was dealing just fine, well almost... Then one day he messaged me on myspace and then we started talking a lot again.
One night in December, we were talking until in the early morning. During this talk, we got very deep, he was telling me how much he loved me and everything, and of course i was ecstatic. I loved him too. Everything seemed to be going perfect.
A couple of weeks after that, everything came crashing down. We talked until the early morning like usual, and then he had heard something about me that was true, and when i told him about how much of a mistake i had made, he replied back, "IM GONE" and i just crashed and broke. I called my best friend at 2 in the morning, because i just didnt know what to do. I couldnt seem to think, i got dizzy, i cried until my throat hurt. (This mistake happened in those four or five months where we didnt talk.) and then he finally messaged me back after an hour and said, "look im sorry, for not forgiving you right away..i forgive you im not going to let this ruin our relationship i love you , one question do you think i should trust you? or would you trust me if i did this." and from that moment, i felt like he really IS the one for me.
We went to Silverwood with a few friends and was really sick that day and didnt have any fun because of it. When we got back, we didnt talk for three days, and then all the sudden he said i was too shy and didnt like me anymore..so once again, i fell down.
We were being bitches to each other for the rest of the summer. Then one day in October, he started liking me again and i had once again, another chance..but that fell through also...
Then i started going out with this other boy who was known for being a player. He warned me and told me he didnt want me to get hurt and said I love you, which surprised me because he had a girlfriend too, but i said it right back because its the truth. Then of course, he stopped liking me.
It's just one LONG roller coaster, and i'm so tired of going through it. I really do love him still to this day, and I miss him..
Right now, its one of the times where we don't even really talk...this is slowly going to kill me eventually. and no i'm not talking literally, but emotionally, this is the hardest thing i've gone through my whole life. I never thought i'd be one of those love sick girls or those who would give anything to be with a boy. At least not starting when i was like what, 13 years old?
Nothing happened in middle school, his best friend told me he chickened out on asking me out. Which now thinking made me really sad. i really liked this kid. We talked almost every night beginning of freshman year. (We go to different schools now.) and then in December of my freshman year, currently a sophomore, he was with the same best friend and "they" called me and he had his friend tell me that "he never liked me as more than a friend." His exact words.
I cried all damn night. I thought about him every second of the day. I never thought i'd get over him...then four or five months went by with no contact and i was dealing just fine, well almost... Then one day he messaged me on myspace and then we started talking a lot again.
One night in December, we were talking until in the early morning. During this talk, we got very deep, he was telling me how much he loved me and everything, and of course i was ecstatic. I loved him too. Everything seemed to be going perfect.
A couple of weeks after that, everything came crashing down. We talked until the early morning like usual, and then he had heard something about me that was true, and when i told him about how much of a mistake i had made, he replied back, "IM GONE" and i just crashed and broke. I called my best friend at 2 in the morning, because i just didnt know what to do. I couldnt seem to think, i got dizzy, i cried until my throat hurt. (This mistake happened in those four or five months where we didnt talk.) and then he finally messaged me back after an hour and said, "look im sorry, for not forgiving you right away..i forgive you im not going to let this ruin our relationship i love you , one question do you think i should trust you? or would you trust me if i did this." and from that moment, i felt like he really IS the one for me.
We went to Silverwood with a few friends and was really sick that day and didnt have any fun because of it. When we got back, we didnt talk for three days, and then all the sudden he said i was too shy and didnt like me anymore..so once again, i fell down.
We were being bitches to each other for the rest of the summer. Then one day in October, he started liking me again and i had once again, another chance..but that fell through also...
Then i started going out with this other boy who was known for being a player. He warned me and told me he didnt want me to get hurt and said I love you, which surprised me because he had a girlfriend too, but i said it right back because its the truth. Then of course, he stopped liking me.
It's just one LONG roller coaster, and i'm so tired of going through it. I really do love him still to this day, and I miss him..
Right now, its one of the times where we don't even really talk...this is slowly going to kill me eventually. and no i'm not talking literally, but emotionally, this is the hardest thing i've gone through my whole life. I never thought i'd be one of those love sick girls or those who would give anything to be with a boy. At least not starting when i was like what, 13 years old?
First One
Well today is my first blog. A lot of things have been on my mind. And I'm sure as hell not fitting it in all in this one blog. So, for now I'm just going to say, get ready for my crazy life of a teenager.
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